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Breaking up with Lithium
Apr. 12th, 2013 12:37 pmDear Lithium,
So I guess that's it. We're done. You were abusive, so it's for the best. No more amiloride to treat the incontinence. No more kidney damage. I might be able to go off the thyroid med eventually. The final straw was when you went toxic. Full blown, slow creep. Fine motor skills have been on the fritz for years, but the gross ones went too, I would try to pay attention in conversations, but you'd snatch them away no matter how hard I tried. Which when I told people about, I was discredited so viciously. And then the over exaggerated doctors at the ER, because you can't treat the crazy like normal rational people. No matter how organized and communicative and observant I am about my health.
My brain feels clearer than it has in years. Like I can think again. Not manic thoughts. Just thoughts.
I'm with Abilify again. I'm worried about the akathisia coming back. And the metabolic impact. I'm moving things slowly. Little bit by little bit. It's been over a month now and it's tolerable. But it looks like drinking will likely be back out of the question. Which means I shouldn't, really.
I wish I could just stick with Lamictal. There might be fine motor issues with that (or the pain could be arthritis starting to rear its head). But it's pretty mellow.
Really, I wish I could quit you all. It's a slap in the face to see "mentally ill" on a doctor's chart. I'm not just a crazy to be blanketly lumped with everything. It's bipolar. Manic Depressive. And I manage it well. I feel the extremes, but others rarely notice. I've always been functional. I'm told I carry it well. It's chemical, it's biological, it's like any other physical ailment. Except, you know, it makes me completely dismissible.
You know, Lithum. The one good thing about you was you were a great excuse for not being able to get pregnant. Who wants your kid? Let's be realistic.
But I guess that's it. We're done.
~Me
So I guess that's it. We're done. You were abusive, so it's for the best. No more amiloride to treat the incontinence. No more kidney damage. I might be able to go off the thyroid med eventually. The final straw was when you went toxic. Full blown, slow creep. Fine motor skills have been on the fritz for years, but the gross ones went too, I would try to pay attention in conversations, but you'd snatch them away no matter how hard I tried. Which when I told people about, I was discredited so viciously. And then the over exaggerated doctors at the ER, because you can't treat the crazy like normal rational people. No matter how organized and communicative and observant I am about my health.
My brain feels clearer than it has in years. Like I can think again. Not manic thoughts. Just thoughts.
I'm with Abilify again. I'm worried about the akathisia coming back. And the metabolic impact. I'm moving things slowly. Little bit by little bit. It's been over a month now and it's tolerable. But it looks like drinking will likely be back out of the question. Which means I shouldn't, really.
I wish I could just stick with Lamictal. There might be fine motor issues with that (or the pain could be arthritis starting to rear its head). But it's pretty mellow.
Really, I wish I could quit you all. It's a slap in the face to see "mentally ill" on a doctor's chart. I'm not just a crazy to be blanketly lumped with everything. It's bipolar. Manic Depressive. And I manage it well. I feel the extremes, but others rarely notice. I've always been functional. I'm told I carry it well. It's chemical, it's biological, it's like any other physical ailment. Except, you know, it makes me completely dismissible.
You know, Lithum. The one good thing about you was you were a great excuse for not being able to get pregnant. Who wants your kid? Let's be realistic.
But I guess that's it. We're done.
~Me
